As excited as I am to plan this wedding, my excitement pales in comparison sometimes to Don's. Since I promised to involve him in the process in every way, I asked him to do a guest post here for our readers. He asked me what he should write about, and I told him to write about whatever's on his heart. Without further ado, here are Don's words from one groom to another.
I am getting
married! Needless to say, when I wrote, “marry me?” in the sand, I was
not expecting a barrage of questions from all of the women in my life.
Some
grooms like to be told when and where to show up and that is the end of it, but
I knew from the beginning that I was not like that. I’ll be honest, like most
guys, I have never had a dream wedding planned out, but I still wanted to be
involved because a wedding is our day, not just mine or hers – despite how it
sometimes seems from my mother, her mother, and even my fiancée. Especially in
the South, the role of a groom is greatly reduced to just showing up, and even
if I weren’t in the South, I imagine my struggles are similar to other grooms
elsewhere. With that in mine, here are some tips for being an involved groom
without being over bearing.
Communicate!
This is really
relationship advice 101, but the same is true for the wedding. I cannot explain
how many times we were looking at a venue and then when asked if we like it, we
have competing views. That is totally OK! The two of you will disagree on
things, and that think you thought was really cool might be completely tacky or
look terrible. Look at the pros and the cons of everything, and you will see
that you and your fiancée have some opinions in common. Talk around what you
like, not what you disagree on otherwise the conversation will always turn
negative – sell something, don’t bash it.
Mothers really liked being brides
Your mother was
probably a bride and if she wasn’t, then she thought about being a bride.
Everything she thought was cool in 1991 is still cool to her today. On top of
that, Pinterest and other blogging sites exist, so now you have an amalgam of
1991 and the hottest, trendiest wedding innovations. Unfortunately, those two
often don’t mix well. You have to think from the perspective of your mother (or
Mother in Law). Just like your future wife, she had a billion wedding ideas
floating around while she was trying to plan, and your father or her mother
probably shot them down. She may be trying to live vicariously through your
wedding. Secondly, wedding etiquette was ingrained in her and she probably has
very specific ideas about what is expected from a wedding.
How do you cope
with this? You might need to have a come-to-Jesus meeting with the mothers. It
is not 1991, and it is not their wedding. Moreover, etiquette is nice, but we
have to have our wedding, and really making our day special is more important
than making someone else happy. That being said…
My parents on their wedding day
Lindsey's parents on their wedding day
Etiquette matters
I know I just said
etiquette doesn’t matter. For the most part it doesn’t, but it is not worth it
to upset your grandmother over it. There are certain expectations around
weddings. Does this mean you need to follow all of them as though you are Emily
Post? Nope, you don’t. Etiquette is actually great at providing some structure
and advice as to what you should be doing. It should not dominate your wedding
though. My advice: get an etiquette book and read up on what you should be
doing. Some of it will seem strange, but do it. If you see something you find
absolutely awful (like some wording on an invitation), then change it. It isn’t
the end of the world, and if someone doesn’t come to your ceremony because the
etiquette was wrong, they probably didn’t really want to come anyways and
they’ll probably send a gift anyways since they love etiquette so much.
Be Happy and Get Excited
You always see
people frantically scouring Pinterest or trying to figure out the perfect way to
do something. As someone who likes to be precise, I can appreciate all of that,
and I have scoured Pinetrest trying to make some DIY crafts. People get into
arguments over all sorts of crazy wedding things. Literally any part of the
wedding is up for debate – and this is not just because my fiancée and I were
debaters. Everyone will have an opinion and it is overwhelming and at times
annoying when you really disagree with someone but you’re trying to be nice. At
the end of the day, on July 9th, I will be marrying the love of my
life. That is the fact of the matter regardless of how much arguing happens.
You are getting ready to start your life with someone that you love and cherish
and she loves and cherishes you too. I always tell Lindsey, “I’m so excited to
be marrying you!” and I don’t do it because I want to seem excited, it is
because I genuinely am excited. You have to take a step back from all of the
inevitable drama that is a wedding and realize that what you’re about to do is
incredibly special and something to be excited for.
Everyone is
pushing both of you a million different directions. Listen to them and if you
disagree, then you disagree. If you see something tacky, speak up. In the same
breath, realize that you probably like something tacky, so be ready for
criticism. The Mothers and the bride will bicker, just try to make your opinion
known without seeming overbearing. Most of all though, enjoy it and get ready
to marry the woman of your dreams!
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